Food Fight Friday: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Ghost Cabbage

I've often thought of the colorless void of Cauliflower as representing an intimidating and unnerving form of GHOST CABBAGE. It didn't help that most of my childhood and early adulthood experiences with it were boiled, steamed, or, worst of all, raw. Blech. I used to try to roast it, but it seemed invincible to heat. It was a plant that refused to be cooked as I applied my brute-force, blunt approach to it. 

I knew this intense vegetable had to have a decent preparation that I was capable of executing out there someone. I swore that I would find the GHOST CABBAGE'S weaknesses and turn the tables on its alabaster doom-stalks. After several attempts and experimentation I came upon two recipes that, as I repeated them time and again, made me realize that the GHOST CABBAGE hadn't defeated me . . . my own terrible technique and lack of basic understanding of the ingredient did.

Sigh.

The first recipe that showed me the err of my ways was this one by Emeril. Simple, easy, and perfect for helping me realize how inept I was. As I had previously failed to cook cauliflower enough, I always thought the issue was one of time and duration. I cooked them for 40 minutes in the 400-425 range and was always baffled as to why they still seemed raw. Emeril doesn't play that game. 500 degrees? That will cook the cauliflower, and cook it correctly. I also began to realize that I was breaking my ghost cabbage down wrong. The more times I execute this recipe, trying to get my perfectly roasted specimens, I understood my problem. My cauliflower had stalks that were too long and florets that were too big. I was treating the ghost cabbage as if it was broccoli, and that's just wrong because it is tougher and more ornery than broccoli by miles!

I began to do more reading and realized how wrong I was cutting up my cauliflower heads. This Kitchn piece is pretty much the best when understanding the correct way. It was so far from what I was doing. I can't even describe how off I was. I wasn't on the same planet, universe, or dimension. Seriously, I can't begin to describe how many times the Kitchn has set me straight and this Emeril recipe set me on the right path. 

But that wasn't all the loud old chef taught me as I cooked this recipe. The parmesan cheese was obvious, after all everything is better with cheese. But what wasn't obvious. The lemon juice! The ghost cabbage, when fused with cheese and an acid, turned into something truly special from such basic components. There was the garlic too, which was also great, but the real stars were what the lemon and parmesan could transform the ghost cabbage into. It became less like a side than a three dimensional, simple entree unto itself. 

With the Emeril recipe tucked away as a permanent addition to my theoretical recipe rolodex, I knew I could do more with the ghost cabbage. One day it came to me. Literally, in my Facebook feed. This. A slight variation on it with different pasta and coarser cheese is what is pictured above, but just seeing this recipe immediately caused a lightning bolt in my head. I have always worshipped at the altar of the AB, but this recipe is above and beyond even for him. Creative, easy, unique, it was everything I needed to take my ghost cabbage game to the next level. 

Able to break down my cauliflower correctly, I was easily able to accomplish the roasting part. Then, the quick way that roasted ghost cabbage is transformed into a quick but intensely delicious pasta sauce, where it is then combined with pasta, covered with cheddar, and roasted AGAIN? Pure flavor alchemy. The cheese and acidic interplay in the Emeril recipe is elevated here with the tomato sauce and cheddar. Yes, cheddar on a pasta bake. Like I said, this is a unique dish, but the sharpness of the cheddar, bite of the tomato sauce, and assertive taste of the roasted ghost cabbage come together swimmingly. Thus was how I finally learned to stop letting the ghost cabbage intimidate me. It only took the dabblings and writings of two celebrity food personalities, practice, and the Kitchn to correct my awful preparations and technique. I conquered it, and not only found a great veggie entree dish, but also a different twist on pasta. Because I can always eat more pasta. ALWAYS. 

Food Fight Friday: KODIAK CAKES! Bisquick as Reimagined by a Viking Berserker, Alaskan-Style

That's right, I'm talking about KODIAK CAKES. I won't belabor the point by explaining what the many Kodiak Cake products are here. The title says all you really need to know. This stuff, in all the different guises it has, is a pancake/waffle mix that does almost anything you want it to. Made of some seriously robust fiber, it often incorporates freeze dried buttermilk as well. All while retaining an air of being not terribly processed. This stuff feels raw, and it will make you feel like you belong on Monday Night Raw. But in a good way, like the person giving the clothesline, not the one receiving it. 

I first discovered this product at Costco, because of course that's where something like this belongs. A place where you can buy mega-ultra-turbo-sized boxes of it. After trying it out in waffle and pancake format, I immediately thought that more could be done with this mix. After all, as a wise man (Alton Brown) once helped me realized through his many writings and television programs, pancakes and waffles are muffins. That's right, they are. Look it up! So basically anything that could be a muffin or similar to a muffin would be easy to adapt using this mix. 

And, of course, their website has many, many different possibilities listed. Inspired by this one in particular, I set out to make a breakfast quick bread that would clothesline all previous breakfast quick breads I had previously attempted. My mission was a raging success. I followed the recipe for many respects, but I did make some modifications. Mostly because I don't like the taste of Stevia, didn't have enough blueberries (but had a great frozen berry mix - also from Costco), and had no idea what it was talking about in terms of the egg-white product the recipe mentions. So I urge you to try Kodiak Cakes mix, if not to make just some hearty like a bunch of hearts lifting weights made of more hearts pancakes and waffles, to experiment with a truly impressive mix of different grains and flours in one convenient package. 

Now for a recipe, which I call

The Breakfast Monster

Ingredients:

• 1 1/2 cup Kodiak Power Cakes Mix
• 3/4 cups corn meal
• 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
• 3 whole eggs
• 3 tablespoons honey
• 1/2 cup sugar
• 1 cup buttermilk
• 1/2 cup berries (thawed from frozen or fresh)

Instructions:

1. Preheat oven to 350. 

2. Combine all ingredients except for berries in a large mixing bowl. Combine using THE MUFFIN METHOD. If you don't know what that is, watch a video or read a book or something. It is EASY.

3. Add berries once complete with Muffin Method, lightly stir them in. 

4. Bake. Baking times will very depending on the vessel. Muffins will be 25-30. Mini-loaves like I did above were 35-40. A full loaf pan was 50-55. It's going to depend on whether your oven is terrible or not. Mine is pretty terrible. 

5. Eat, and drive your enemies before you. 

Food Fight Friday: &pizza's Wondrous Heresy, The Reuben Pizza

As I stood in line at the K & 14th St NW location of &pizza, ready to order my usual Farmer's Daughter, I kept seeing the paraphernalia they had collected around about the Reuben pizza. I'm a lover of all things Reuben. But a pizza? What? And that sauerkraut is one of the toppings? It sounded like a gimmick. "You really have a Reuben pizza? How does that work?" I ask the pizza artist preparing to serve me.

"It works," he said. "There was a guy who came in here, said he has to try every Reuben he sees, Reuben anything. He tried that pizza and said it was one of his favorites."

"Huh," was all I could say to that. Was he telling me a tall tale? Was he describing a time-traveling me from the future? Was he seeing my future? I fit the description, honestly. I was shamefully addicted to the insane Lay's Reuben chips after all. "All right, let's give it a try."

I've never looked back. Everything about this pizza shouldn't work as a pizza. Thousand Island-esque pizza sauce, passing sauerkraut through a toaster oven with sliced corned beef all sound like a recipe for disaster. IT IS NOT. It is a recipe for miracles. How the pizza works is simple, they slice it in five horizontal strips so that you fold them over and create five mini (or not so mini if we're being honest) Reuben sandwiches. Reuben sandwiches that would leave purists with some very conflicted feelings, as everything about what I just described is something that would probably get a New York establishment firebombed by overenthusiastic Reuben zealots. 

While it's weird at first eating it on the flatbread-like crust, you get over it because those four Reuben pizza hybrid are like being smacked by five uppercuts of savory excellence. The sauerkraut, corned beef, unique and tangy slaw they add on, and the bottom layer of sauce combine in the same way the Reuben sandwich's odd flavor alchemy does. The only thing I miss is the rye bread, but you can't have it all.

By all indications, the Reuben pizza is a limited time only affair. Perhaps that pizza artist had divined my future. If so, I should ask him when I'll have to say goodbye. I've been enjoying it and will be sorry to see it go, but I know the mad pizza tacticians at &pizza will roll out something compelling next. I won't want to say goodbye to my strange, Frankenstein monster of a friend the Reuben pizza. Cobbled together from a deli masterpiece and flatbread pizza sorcery, it's one of a kind. Irreplaceable. 

Whiskey Tomato Foxtrot (WTF) Sauce

I came up with the name for this sauce because I was told that calling something vodka sauce without putting vodka in it was unacceptable. Not that this is some teetotaler sauce, it just has whiskey instead. I like the touch of sweetness. The instructions below are for a double-dose as I like to freeze leftovers for later, but you can half it if you only want a few servings. Down to business!

Gear:

Pasta pot

Large saucepan (I recommend 6-8 quarts unless you plan to half the recipe)

Food processor or Blender

Ingredients:

3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil

6 garlic cloves, chopped

3-4 shallots, chopped (depending on size)

Salt and black pepper

½ teaspoon crushed red pepper

1 tablespoon of Za'atar (particularly this Za'atar)

Two 28-ounce cans italian peeled tomatoes

4 ounces aged gouda

1/4 cup light cream (sometimes I do a big dollop of cream cheese instead)

1 pound penne or other tubular cut pasta

1/3 cup bourbon (doesn't have to be the good stuff by a long shot)

1 tablespoon butter

Substitution Ingredients 

Note: These aren't nearly as fun.

Large onion in place of shallots

Italian seasoning in place of Za'atar

Parmesan in place of aged gouda

Heavy Cream in place of light cream (if you want it thicker and creamier)

Phase One - Prep

1. Chop up the shallots and garlic.

2. Add peeled tomatoes and parmesan cheese to blender or food processor along with za'atar and crushed red pepper. Blend/process until you achieve a chunky but still sauce-like consistency.

Phase Two - Sauce

3. Meanwhile, put the olive oil in a large saucepan over medium-high heat. When it’s hot, add the shallots and garlic and season with salt and pepper. Cook, stirring occasionally, until the shallot is soft and begins to brown, about 15 minutes.

4. Add the tomato-sauce mixture from Phase One, raise heat to boil mixture, then reduce heat to medium-low or low so that the mixture simmers steadily, and cook, stirring occasionally and partially covered, for 10 minutes.

5. Add whiskey, then sauté for 30 more minutes to an hour. This is a judgment call as you want the sauce to reduce and thicken but it's a matter of preference how much you want to achieve on that end. I prefer 45-60 minutes, but the sauce will be tasty and ready to eat at 30 if you're pressed for time. 

Phase Three - Pasta

5. While sauce is simmering during step 4, bring water in a large pasta pot to boil. 

6. When water comes to boil, salt it generously and add the pasta.

7. Stir the cream and butter into the tomato sauce, and turn off the heat.

8. When the pasta is al dente—usually after 10 to 15 minutes, depending on the package instructions—drain the pasta. Toss the pasta with the sauce. SERVE. DONE.

Oatbombs (Recipe)

These are intense oatmeal cookies with big flavor. They lean on some spices, dark brown sugar, dried tart cherries, and bittersweet chocolate. It also makes use of the creaming technique, which if you know your Alton Brown, is not a sex act described in urban dictionary but a method of baking usually used for cakes. 

Ingredients

• 3/4 cup dark brown sugar
• 1 stick (or 1/2 cup) salted softened butter (that's right, you thought I was going to go unsalted didn't you? nope. I like salted more for oatmeal cookies)
• 1 1/4 (that's 1.25) cups rolled oats (quick - not instant. never instant).
• 1 egg
• 2 tbsp milk
• 1 tbsp whiskey
• 1 cup all purpose flour
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cloves (this is especially key)
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 cup ground nuts (unsalted nuts or you will have a salt bomb on your hands. I prefer cashews, but walnuts and pecans are good too. You can do this by hand or in a food processor)
• 1/4 cup dried tart cherris
• 1/4 cup bittersweet chocolate chips
• 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

Gear

• Cookies sheets
• Parchment paper
• Mixer (stand or hand, preferably stand)

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 375
2. Add sugar and butter to bowl. Mix on low until combined (if stand mixer, just leave on "stir"). Probably around 1 minute. 
3. Add oats, egg, milk, whiskey to bowl mix until combined (if stand mixer, just drop this stuff right in while still on "stir"), about 20-30 seconds. 
4. Assemble the dry ingredients (flour, baking soda, cinnamon, cloves, and salt) in a small mixing bowl. While mixing on low, add slowly to oat mixture assembled in steps 1 and 2 to allow cookie dough to form. Should take around 20-30 seconds. 
5. Add chopped nuts, dried tart cherries, vanilla extract, and bittersweet chocolate chips to mixture, continue to mix until incorporated. Again, about 20-30 seconds on low.
6. Put parchment paper over cookie sheets.
7. Drop dough by tablespoonfuls (thereabouts) onto parchment-paper-covered cookie sheets. 
8. Bake in oven for 10-12 minutes. 
9. Remove cookie sheets from oven. Allow to rest for 1-2 minutes, then remove from cookie sheets and allow to cool on cooling rack for several hours before eating. 

Ginger Chili in a Slow Cooker

This is a complex, potent chili made with a slow cooker. There are infinite variations on the core concept, and as with all chili recipes feel free to vary your spiciness levels with the amount of chili or ginger to taste. I personally like the added flavor dimensions that the ginger adds, as well as the textural dimensions of the black lentils. I will describe it as made above. 

Ingredients: 

• 1 tablespoon oil (for skillet) - Phase One and Two
• 2 pounds ground Protein - Here it's 90-10 beef, but turkey or bison is also fine. For a vegetarian version, try one of Trader Joe's Soy-rizo "sausages" and skip Phase Two by just adding the Soy-rizo directly to the slow-cooker. OR mix and match with a pound of protein and part of a Soy-rizo "sausage." - Phase Two
• 3 chopped Yellow Onions - Preferably re or, barring that, vidalia - Phase One
• 3 teaspoons salt - Phases Two and Four
• 3 teaspoons chili powder - I like to blend mexican-style and chipotle chili powder. You can add more for more heat, but you will get heat from the ginger and dried chiles. - Phases Two and Four

• 8 dried chiles - I like 4 Guajillos and 4 Serranos, but that's personal taste. You can also go with anchos, or, if you're bolder, habaneros. Or, if you don't want to bother with dried chiles at all, try using crushed red pepper flakes, approximately a teaspoon or more based on desired heat - Phase Three
• Two (2) 28 ounce cans of Peeled Tomatoes. I like Cento San Marzano - Phase Three
• 1 teaspoon ground ginger - Phase Four 
• 2 inches of a fresh ginger root, peeled then grated - Phase Four
• 1/2 teaspoon cumin seeds - Phase Four
• 1.5 ounces reposado tequila (optional) - Phase Four
• 4 garlic cloves, minced - Phase Four
• 3 cans of beans - 1 Black, 1 Dark Red Kidney, 1 Pinto - I like pink beans instead of the pinto, but they can be very, very hard to find sometimes. My dream is to use an entire bag of dried pink beans instead of these cans, but I'll have to find a bag of dried pink beans first. It is like my white whale. - Phase Four
• 1/2 cup dried beluga lentils - I just like what these bring to the party - Phase Four

Gear :

• Skillet
• Food Processor
• Slow cooker

Phase One - Caramelize the Onions

Heat oil on high in skillet and drop in chopped onions. Sprinkle some of the salt on them. Caramelize by cooking on high 20 minutes or more depending on your stove-top. Drop onions in slow cooker when done, SET SLOW COOKER TO HIGH.

Phase Two -  Brown the protein

Drop the protein directly into the skillet after removing the onions. Add one teaspoon of both the salt and the chili powder to coat. Brown the protein and break up for about 4 minutes. Drain fat and add to slow cooker. If going vegetarian, skip this stage and add the soy-rizo "sausage" directly to the slow-cooker.

Phase Three - Food Processor

Cut off stems of dried chiles, place in food processor, and pulse until shredded. Add to slow cooker. Next, place canned peeled tomatoes into food processor and process until chunky. Add to slow cooker. 

Phase Four - Dump in the Rest 

Add the rest of the salt, chili powder, ground ginger, fresh, grated ginger (I like to grate the peeled ginger directly into the slow cooker), cumin seeds, tequila, beans, and lentiles to the slow cooker. Cook on HIGH for 10 hours. 

FIN 

The Illusive Donut Banh Mi →

I'm all for kooky local food mashups. DC's maturing local food scene would inevitably lead to such off-beat creations and collaborations, but this donut banh mi thing sounds like a true prize. Who cares about a cronut if you can put a vietnamese sandwich inside of an artisan donut? I've had both Astro Doughnuts (the coconut cake doughnut almost killed me tasty) and PhoWheels separately, I can scarcely imagine their powers combined! Now to find that PhoWheels truck again . . . and not gain 50 pounds once these things turn into my primary diet.